Time moves on

Mar 18, 2010 | Personal

And there is drama. Excitement. Things that draw me away from my blog. The Novel, mostly; it’s becoming what I originally envisioned, a whole and complete manuscript that will soon be on its way to various agents. Even as the thought of finally being published scares me, I’m happy that I’m getting closer to my ultimate goal of writing for a living.

It will not be in Ireland, though. I made my choice, and started arrangements to emigrate. Canada is the destination, if they will have me. I hope they will, because I have a lot to offer.

It’s been hammered home recently just how different I am to most people. Pointless introspection aside, I can’ t help but notice that there is a high price to being a genius – however clich├ęd that may sound. And a Mensa test when I was much younger confirmed that; I am what people call a genius, and more than that, I’m on a par with Einstein or Hawking.

No one knows, apart from the people who are closest to me. Everyone else can see that I am quite smart, and occasionally I act in a strange way, and it goes no further. It is so hard to explain to anyone that the reason I seem odd is because, from my point of view, everyone else is thinking in slow motion. I’ve spent my life learning how to fake normalcy, but sometimes all I really want is to know what it’s like inside someone else’s head.

Being intelligent has its perks, but it’s mostly made my life harder. It’s put a gulf between me and the people I care about, made me dissatisfied with jobs. It broke my religious faith a long time ago. It’s embarrassed me or made me seem foolish or stupid, when I do something that makes sense to me but no one else. And it’s made me hurt, deeply, that whatever perks I get from it are only for me. My understanding, my quickness of thought; a normal person can never know what it’s like, and although you might question whether they’re really missing anything, consider this: from where I stand, it’s as if they are all blind, and I’m the only one who can see the sun.

I don’t want to be elitist about being smart. I don’t want to be ostracised either, though, and that has happened a few times. I’d settle for people being willing to accept that I’m strange, and let it go at that.

This doesn’t really have much to do with Canada, but if they won’t take me for my qualifications or experience, I might suggest they take me for my intelligence. Adding a genius to their gene pool would be a smart (hah) move.